what are u rooted in?

I kept having this notion that i needed to feel “elevated” or “higher”

or out of body. i convinced myself by another person’s standards that i needed to rise and rise and rise out of me, and “rise” into,

or out of,

this world,

or myself.

Like myself is not worthy enough to be the vessel or the home, or the embodiment

of Holiness.

The world fed me the narrative that I was

Broken,

and the only remedy was escape.

To heal to the point of resurrection,

a highly euphemized form of Self abandonment.

A resurrection insisting a death of a whole Me had to occur for the better version of Me to live.

But I’m no longer moved.

Because within this same logic, I can never be good enough or perfectly whole.

Maybe this is my full moon realization. This is my Full Moon manifestation.

An affirmation that I already am the person I want to be, while equally wanting the person I already am. My healing is not a death and resurrection.

My healing is me walking through the bush,

shedding weeds and vines that engulf me and made it harder to move,

the things that made it hard to see Myself.

I don’t need to die to get out of this bush.

I move with all that is already present within me, reaching periods of rest as I remove the restricting vines, and caution more with experience around the things that can hurt me.

And when I finally return from where I came,

i’ll be the person who entered the bush,

who travelled through it,

And the very person returned,

All in the same.

Because I never lost Myself, I was there the whole time.

I want to be rooted in that.